


incoherent

by skullfucker



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mild Language, Obsessive Behavior, Other, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unhealthy Relationships, Violent Thoughts, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 13:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21119399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skullfucker/pseuds/skullfucker
Summary: My hands wrap around their neck tightly as they struggle for air desperately, their hands tug at my grip. "Joh-john.. please.. I can't.. breathe.." they beg me with pleading eyes filled with salty tears. Even in these moments, they look beautiful.I feel sick to my stomach.





	incoherent

A sigh slips past my trembling lips as I hold a small photo in my hand.

(Y/N) and I when we were both 13 in this photo. I had that same dorky smile on my face and they still held that angelic smile on theirs. We were so happy back then. Playing pranks on each other (though I mostly did them, I will confess), having sleep over parties. Normal. Happy. Nothing could go wrong, we were like best friends. Who could ask for more?

But then it all came crashing down when I introduced them to Dave. I guess they were more of a cool dude kind of person, huh? They left me for him. They still talked to me every obce in awhile but, they spent more time with Dave.

_I_ was their childhood friend, this wasn't fair.

_I_ was their best friend.

I WAS. IT WAS _ME_ AND THEY REPLACED ME LIKE I WAS SOME WORTHLESS TOY.

No, that's not what happened.

..I feel bad.

This isn't normal. What I'm feeling isn't normal. I shouldn't be like this. I'm an adult and I'm acting like a spoiled child. A psychopathic, spoiled child.

Sobs racked my body as i gripped the photo. My tears flooded my eyes and overflowed like a dam, sliding down my warm cheeks and onto the photo.

"I-it's not fair.." I cried through hiccups, "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Just think happy thoughts, John. Just like they said. Oh, remember that one time? You had ice cream on your cheek. They licked off and giggled. Remember that one time they fell asleep in your arms?

Remember when _Dave_ wasn't in the fucking way, _John?_ Remember those times?

..Oh, but, I can't hurt Dave. He's my beat friend. It.. it would be insane! Why.. why am I thinking of these things? Why would I, in ant state of mind, think of these terrible things?

_"J-john," Dave choked through the blood in his mouth, "John, i-it hurts. Why- why are you.." The knife plunged down into his heaving chest before he even had the chance to leave a coherent sentance in his dying moments. _

No, no no NO! I can't do that. It's illegal. It's insane.

But.. it would be for (y/n)..

They would never love me if I killed someone they cared for. They would never forgive me.

I'm going crazy. I'm going to go crazy..

I hear a familur tune play from on my bed. My phone is ringing. Right in the middle of my breakdown, too, huh?

I grab it and answer the call as if nothing was wrong. "Hello?"

"Hey, John, man, have I got some news for you." 

"Dave?" I quirk a brow. "What happened? Did you finally get a record album out?" Perfect timing. Not like I was just thinking about murdering you with no remorse. 

"I wish i could have that delicacy in my life. But alas, it's just not to be," He's doing his ironic shit again. "Anyways. (Y/N) and I are dating, dude,"

I freeze. My brain takes a moment to process the words that have been spoken. My throat suddenly feels so dry, I can't gather any words to respond to Dave. Nothing is okay anymore. I can't lie. This isn't going to away. I can't lie. I'm not okay. I can't lie. 

"I'm happy for you guys, Dave." I hang up without even much of a goodbye. I stare at the photo held tightly in my hand.

  


I'm crazy.

.......

  


Never in my life have I thought about this. Never. I've never done this before. I feel scared. Nothing is coherent around me. Are people staring? I can't tell. It's hard to concentrate on stuff lately.   


  


I can't tell anything apart anymore.   


  


"John, you invited me over for some con air?" Their voice rings in my ear like a soft lullaby.  


  


It sickens me.  


  


"Yeah, sorry.. I was just thinking about some stuff lately." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously. I'm not going to tell them the truth. I can't. I can't let them see what's not to be.  


  


"Oh, John.. is this about me and Dave? I'm not gonna forget you, buddy! You're my best friend." They wrap their arm around me and press their face into my own. My glasses are now crooked.  


  


The warmth inside I feel doesn't ignite. I smile nonetheless, "You always know how I'm feeling, (Y/N).. its scary sometimes, I swear!" I joke.  


  


They laugh.  


  


I laugh.  


_  
_

_My hands coil tightly around their neck as they struggle for air desperately, their hands tug at my grip. "Joh-john.. please.. I can't.. breathe.." they beg me with pleading eyes filled with salty tears. Even in these moments, they look beautiful. _

_  
_

I feel sick to my stomach.  


  


They fall asleep on me halfway through the movie. I don't feel at ease as I normally do. They'll leave tomorrow. And I don't want them to ever go.  


  


A shaky hand grasps at their tender neck. I squeeze without even knowing.  


  


I can feel their pulse quicken as they open their eyes. Fear drowns within them. They're not coherent.  


  


Just like my world.  


  


They grab at my wrist and try to push me away but I'm stronger than them. They always used to tell people about how strong their best friend was. Brag about me.  


  


_Why don't you do that anymore? Do you feel so little towards me that all thoughts of me have died into worthless specks of hope?_  


  


Their struggle dies down and I can see the fear in their wide, innocent eyes. Even like this, they're precious. If I can't take Dave away from them, I'll take them away from Dave.  


  


I'm sick in the head.  


  


"It's okay," I whisper to them. The light from their eyes glimmer one last time. "I'll keep you safe with me. Nobody will ever hurt you. I love you. I'm so sorry I'm sick. This is disgusting, isn't it?" They don't answer.  


  


Limp in my arms.  


  


Unconscious. They're like a doll.  


**Author's Note:**

> this was a complete and utter rewrite of a story I wrote back in 2016, i believe, and it was SO cringey that i just wanted to cry.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed some rare yandere egbert


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